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Valentine’s Day is here, and for my single ladies and gents, I want to talk about something that doesn’t get enough airtime—dating burnout.

This time last year, I did an episode on how relationships can burn us out. That’s still true, but today, I want to talk about something even more exhausting—the part before the relationship, the seemingly never-ending quest to find your person. Because if you’ve been out there dating, you probably know how draining, frustrating, and downright bizarre it can feel.

So this post? It’s for you. The ones who are actively dating, tired of dating, or even thinking, “Do I really have to get back out there?” It’s also for my happily coupled-up friends who might need a little reminder of what their single friends are dealing with.

Let’s talk about it.

Why Dating Feels Like a Second Job

I don’t think people who met their soulmate on their first try—you know who you are—fully understand what dating is like these days. Dating in your 30s is different. Dating in a world of ghosting, love bombing, and FaceTime first dates from someone’s car? Exhausting.

It’s weird. It’s frustrating. It makes you question your own sanity. And if you’re out here trying to find your person, it can feel like another job you didn’t sign up for.

And let’s be honest—we’re constantly getting messages that we’re not doing enough.

• “You should be dating more!”

• “It’s a numbers game—just go on more dates!”

• “Put yourself out there!”

I call bullshit.

When Dating Feels Like a Checklist, It’s No Longer Fun

Some well-meaning people have told me to approach dating like “collecting meals.” The idea? To think of dating like a numbers game, maximizing efficiency, and racking up experiences until you find the right one.

Hard pass.

I follow a girl who went on **100 dates in a year.**ly . That alone makes me want to take a nap. I don’t know if it’s just my introvert showing, but forcing connections for the sake of “doing more” feels like the fastest route to burnout.

I’ve downloaded and deleted dating apps more times than I can count. I’ve forced myself to go on dates even when I knew I wasn’t in the right headspace. I’ve chased connections that weren’t right for me simply because I didn’t want to feel like I was giving up.

Sound familiar?

Dating Burnout is Real—Here’s How It Shows Up

1. Hope Fatigue → You get your hopes up when you meet someone who seems different, and when it doesn’t work out, you start to lose hope in the process.

2. Emotional Whiplash → One day, you’re texting all day, you’re vibing, and the next? They’re cold, distant, and cancel plans. It messes with your head.

3. Surface-Level Exhaustion → Having the same damn conversation over and over (“What do you do for fun?” “What’s your favorite color?”) makes you feel like you’re stuck in a loop.

4. Validation Chasing → Swiping and engaging just to feel wanted, not because you’re actually in the right headspace to date.

5. Forcing Connections → Going on dates you don’t even want to go on because you feel like you “should.”

The result? Burnout.

How I’m Approaching Dating Differently (And You Can Too)

1. Pay Attention to How Dating Makes You Feel

Are you excited or does it feel like a chore?

If I’m not excited about a date, I don’t go. If I’m swiping and feeling nothing but exhaustion, I stop. It’s that simple.

2. Take Breaks Without Guilt

I took an extended break from dating over the holidays. I needed it. And even now, if I’m in a connection that’s going well, I stop swiping. I focus.

Because forcing yourself to “keep dating” when you’re drained only leads to worse experiences.

3. Trust Your Intuition

If something feels off, it probably is. I’ve ignored red flags before. I’ve rationalized bad behavior. But now? If my gut says no, I listen.

4. Let Go of the Idea That You Need to Do More

If love is a numbers game, I’d rather not play. I refuse to believe I need to go on hundreds of dates to find my person. Instead, I focus on showing up in a way that feels good to me.

5. Stop Dating from a Place of Loneliness & Validation Seeking

This one? It’s hard.

I’m independent as hell, but I’ve been guilty of using dating as a way to feel less alone. And my worst dating experiences? They all came from times when I was chasing validation, not actual connection.

6. Stay Grounded When a Connection Shows Promise

The hardest one for me. When something feels good, it’s so easy to get ahead of yourself. But I remind myself daily: excitement is great, but staying present is better.

If You’re Burnt Out on Dating, You’re Not Alone

If dating feels exhausting, you’re not crazy. You’re not doing it wrong. And no, you don’t need to be “doing more.”

So if you’re single and feeling over it? Same. If dating makes you want to throw your phone across the room? Same. If you’re exhausted by the apps and the games? Same.

You’re not alone in this. And you don’t have to force yourself to keep pushing if you’re depleted.

Because I refuse to believe that the way to find love is through exhaustion.