3 Tips to Get CLEAR on YOU
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IF YOUR LIFE FEELS OVERWHELMING AF,
I’ve got good news for you…
It doesn’t have to be!
Burnout is a choice. And it’s not how you’re created to live my friend. My coaching is based all-around what I call intuitive achievement: a philosophy that helps you create a lifestyle of sustainable achievement without burnout that — bottom line — feels good!
It’s about supporting you in creating a sustainable lifestyle that doesn’t require you to sacrifice your health, your goals, or your hobbies/interests to achieve the life you want…
In constructing what intuitive achievement is, I thought about the things that often burn us out—the causes of burnout, if you will—and these steps we can take to intentionally take our lives back! What I ultimately came up with were 5 pillars and 5 causes of burnout that, if we can overcome, will help us to make burnout a choice in our lives, too! Over the next month or so, we’re going to be going over these 5 keys in detail starting today.
The 5 Causes of Burnout in Achievers…
A LACK OF CLARITY & SELF-AWARENESS- this post!
A LACK OF SELF-CARE SELF-CARE - here
A LACK OF PRODUCTIVITY - here
A LACK OF BOUNDARIES - here
A LACK OF ANTI-HUSTLE HABITS - Coming Soon!
Key #1 in this whole process is a lack of clarity and self-awareness. So, we fix this by getting clarity on ourselves. I know—you might be thinking “what the hell does clarity have to do with burnout?” Well, that’s exactly what we’re going to get into today. And—bonus—I’ll be giving you 3 tips that I think are the easiest and most straightforward ways to help you get clear on yourself!
First and foremost, let’s talk about WHY! Why is this even relevant to burnout? Because if we don’t get clear on ourselves, we’re not going to be able to execute on the other keys. Clarity and self-awareness are going to guide you in what you need for your self-care, your productivity, and your boundaries, not what some guru online (👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻) tells you that you need. Because, let’s be honest—nobody but you can determine what you actually need in your life! Nobody but you can really dig into what specifically is burning you out. That requires clarity.
Clarity and having a solid mindset are the foundation for achievement without burnout. Hell, it’s the core of what we’re talking about when we talk about the “intuitive” part of intuitive achievement. You’ve got to understand yourself, you’ve got to have compassion for yourself, and you’ve got to be able to respond to changing seasons and needs. As much as I say burnout is a choice, I also empathize with the fact that seasons change and we can suddenly become overwhelmed with everything we’re carrying. And that’s where getting clarity on yourself comes into play…because only through clarity and self-awareness can we know when too much is too much!
Today, we’re going to talk about 3 of the best steps you can take to help you get clear on yourself to help with your burnout. But first, I want to be really clear about something: creating clarity and getting to know yourself are not something that happens overnight. It takes intention, consistency, and vulnerability. Clarity and self-awareness are not one-and-dones. You’re always going to need to keep checking back in, learning about yourself, and growing as a result of that.
And, importantly, you should know: self-awareness is not and never will be about judgment. I’ve gone into this before, but one of the best things we can do when it comes to clarity and self-awareness is treating everything like data and putting on your scientist hat. If there’s anything that scientists do well, it’s that they’re able to look at data in a non-judgmental and objective way. It’s about seeing the patterns for what they are learning the powerful lessons they can offer. So, let’s get into this…
When it comes to clarity, I try to pay attention to 3 important things…
Knowing and abiding my values
Understanding who I am and my personality characteristics
Consistently checking in with myself
Knowing and abiding my values.
This is such an under-appreciated part of creating clarity in yourself and of overcoming burnout. Part of the reason why so many of us get emotionally burned out and out of alignment is because, well, we are. We are not living in a way that is aligned with what we value and that will burn us out just as much as anything. And yet, so many people just don’t even know what their values are…
I had no idea why certain things would irk me the way they would and why I would feel like things were missing in my life until I sat down and hashed out specifically what my values were and what they mean to me. I had no idea that the path I was on as a scientist would never satisfy me professionally because I valued freedom. I had no idea!
Values work is such a personal thing. I know my values are the following: freedom, belonging, prosperity, authenticity, and fulfillment. But—and here’s something that’s super important—my version of freedom is so different than other people’s versions of freedom. So, it’s not just about knowing your values, it’s about knowing what they mean to you.
One of the things I teach in my values course (which you can find to the right) is creating what I call a values statement and that’s where we make things super personal. It’s almost like your values definition because—to be frank— I don’t care how Google defines a word. I care what it means to you!
For example, my value of freedom is represented by this statement: "enriching my life through experiences that bring me joy + perspective.” When I read this, it makes me think of time freedom and location freedom because, to me, it expresses the freedom to choose what feels good in that moment. It also represents a bit of growth as well because experiences that bring me perspective? To me, those mean new experiences.
Again, my definition of freedom is different from yours, probably, and it’s definitely different than Websters! But that’s the beauty of all of this too: we’re able to define what these things mean to us so we can align our lives more with that meaning. So, a big part of clarity in yourself is knowing your values. If you’re not sure where to start in terms of finding your values, I highly recommend checking out that course because it’s truly one of my all-time favorite courses and I’ve heard nothing but positive, inspiring things about it from clients after I’ve walked them through it!
Know your personality.
Ugh, this one is so stinking crucial! Because, if life is a long-ass hike, knowing your values is like a compass or North Star along this crazy journey. On the other hand, knowing your personality traits is like knowing the pace you should walk out, how much your physically capable of carrying in your pack, and how many miles you’re able to put in each day…
That might be a shitty analogy, so let me take this a little bit further in regard to what I mean.
I think there are a few different facets of our knowing our personality that are crucially important when it comes to managing burnout: knowing whether we’re an introvert or an extrovert, and our Enneagram type. This might seem completely random, but let me explain.
Let’s start with introversion and extroversion. I think this is hugely important when it comes to the types of self-care. I hashed those out a bit in this podcast episode. However, the one that I’m specifically talking about here is social self-care. All of the 5 types of self-care are important, but, when it comes to social self-care, it’s really important to know whether you’re an introvert of an extrovert so that you don’t socially overwhelm yourself. But, before I get into the lesson I learned, let’s clarify something: introversion is not shyness.
It frankly still pisses me off when I hear this because it’s so wrong. Introversion and extroversion refer to where you get energy from. Extroverts get their energy from other people. Being in crowds and social environments energize an extrovert. However, introverts aren’t like that. Introverts are drained by social events, especially when these events are larger. So, you see? It’s not about shyness!
But, it can also be more complicated than that. There are what are called “complicated” personality types that people can fall into as well. I cannot even remember when I learned about this. All I know is that, I’ve never fully identified with the full-on introvert label. I definitely get drained by socializing, but I love people! I love going out and hanging out, but I realized in graduate school that, despite my outgoingness, I am an introvert. For me, I would be out with friends and it was like a switch would flip! I would go from having a great time to just not wanting to be there anymore. I’ve come to the realization that I’m what’s called an outgoing introvert. People who are outgoing introverts love people, love socializing, and love going out, but they have only a certain amount of social bandwidth before they’re tapped out. That’s me in a nutshell and it took me until my mid-twenties to realize it.
On the contrary, there’s a shy extrovert. This is someone that, yes, loves people and loves going out because those sorts of situations energize them, just like the typical extrovert, but they struggle with social anxiety and are shy. They’re a shy extrovert. It seems like an oxymoron, but it’s a true situation…
There’s also your Enneagram type. Of all the personality quizzes out there, I personally love the Enneagram for personal clarity, especially when it comes to burnout. Hell, it’s the enneagram that led me to identify myself and the vast majority of my clients as ambitious high-achievers. But the reason why I love the Enneagram so much is because, as opposed to telling you some arbitrary characteristics about yourself that frankly don’t seem usable (cough - Meyers Briggs - cough)… the Enneagram personality quiz really gets down to what your core motivation and insecurity is. One other website described it as personality typing that “describes patterns in how people interpret the world and manage their emotions.”
I love both of these perspectives because a) our insecurities are parts of the reason why we feel the need to compensate through things like overwork, people-pleasing, and perfectionism, and b) lack of or improper emotion management is a huge contributor to emotional burnout.
So, hell ya, I love the Enneagram! If you’re unfamiliar with the Enneagram, let me quickly break it down. There are 9 types, each with their own category, core motivation, and struggle. I’ll break them down below…
The Heart Types. These types are guided by emotion, relationships with others, and they value emotional support, recognition, and inclusion…
TYPE 2 - The Giver. The giver is, understandably, the person who is always there for others. At the core, they’re scared of not being lovable.
TYPE 3 - The Achiever (which describes me, and probably you too if you resonate with my content). The achiever is motivated by success. They’re often described as being image-conscious, but that’s never resonated with me. What does is that their core fear is failure and not being seen as valuable.
TYPE 4 - The Individualist. These people want to be seen as unique and value deep, authentic emotional experiences. Their core fear is being clawed and not being different and unique from others.
The Head Types. These types care about control, stability, security and competence.
TYPE 5 - The Investigator. These people value understanding and kinda love data. They fear overwhelm, particularly from their own needs and maybe even the needs of other people.
TYPE 6 - The Skeptic. Skeptics love preparation. They hate uncertainty and always aim to be safe and secure. That’s at the core for them.
TYPE 7 - The Enthusiast. Enthusiasts seek adventure, fun, enjoyment, and HATE boredom. They also fear all the emotions that are the opposite of fun: sadness, pain, etc., and might avoid those things by choosing to stay busy. I would venture to guess that if you’re here and you’re not a 3, you might be a 7 because of that last characteristics…
The Body Types. I actually don’t like “body types” here because it makes me think of our physical bodies. Really, these types rely on visceral gut feelings more than the other types do…
TYPE 8 - The Challenger. These people aren’t afraid to stand up for what they believe in and really embody and believe in themselves in being someone who is strong and powerful. So, naturally, they hate feeling powerless and might be a little controlling.
TYPE 9 - The Peacemaker. If you have a go-with-the-flow friend, they’re probably a 9. They let the people around them dictate things, but, as a result, can sometimes be afraid that asking for what they need will push people away so they tend to be a bit passive.
TYPE 1 - The Perfectionist. These are the rule-followers. They care about doing things “right”, not just doing things and I bet we can all guess what they struggle with: imperfection. Because of that, they can often be too strict with themselves and others.
In my experience, you can often read through the 9 Enneagram types and really see yourself in one of them, but if you’re struggling, I would recommend taking an Enneagram assessment to see which one you are, because knowing your Enneatype helps you to identify which core needs and fears you have and knowing that can really help you to make sure you’re prioritizing that for your emotional self-care.
Check-in with yourself frequently.
Of all the things we’re going to talk about today, this is perhaps the most important, and it’s one that I’ve talked about before, so it might also be the shortest point of conversation. But, that doesn’t change how important it is.
To get clear on yourself, you have to consistently check in with yourself. I cannot stress enough how important this is for knowing yourself and also for knowing how to help yourself through burnout. Because—let’s face it—we live in a very dynamic world! Things are constantly changing and moving. We are constantly changing and moving and if we’re not aware of how those changes affect us, we’ll have know idea how to support ourselves through those changes.
Consistently checking in with yourself can be down in a couple different ways, but perhaps my favorites are consistent personal reviews and journaling.
Journaling is a little bit less formal of a self-reflection, but it’s important nonetheless. Having a consistent journaling practice can bring to light some of the very things that you’ve been emotionally struggling to process, but have been burying down. It’s through this non-judgmental, vulnerable work that you uncover things that might be sapping your emotional energy. Hell, if you sit down to journal and the emotion pours out of you both through your pen and through your tears, it’s a good bet that part of what’s been leading to your exhaustion is all the unexpressed emotion you’ve been carrying. That’s the power of consistently sitting down and journaling—not just waiting until you’re at wit’s end.
You also know—if you follow me at all—that I love me a good review. I think that this is a great practice to catch the things that might be a little bit more subtle. For example, it was through a weekly review that I came to the realization that I was burning out in August not because of the fact that I was working too much, but the fact that I wasn’t taking enough alone time and that I was drained by the idea of cooking for myself. They weren’t things that were emotionally exhausting me. They were logistical aspects of my life that boiled down to how I was spending my time and the only reason I figured them out was because of the fact that I sat down and reviewed myself, my life, and how things were going.
I believe so much in self-reflection that I’ve built it into just about every product that I offer. Not only do I have a Morning Mindfulness journal, which is a great way to get started with a journaling practice, but I also offer a digital and paper planner.
The Take Back Your Time paper planner is one of my proudest accomplishments. I launched it in Fall 2019, but what I love most about this planner is that self-reflection is built into its very being. Each week has a self-reflection where I ask you my 3 core questions, each month has a self-reflection not only on your goals but on your lifestyle and how it is (or is not) serving you, and each month has a quarterly review. The quarterly review is not only an opportunity to course-correct and check-in on yourself, but also to celebrate wins, reflect on memories, and set yourself up for success for your next 90 days by setting new goals.
The digital planner? It does the exact same thing, but inside of my favorite (free!) productivity software notion, so that you can access your planner from anywhere without having to carry around a notebook!
No matter how you slice it, if you’re going to know yourself, you have to know what’s going on in your life and what’s triggering you so that you can make changes to fix it. And the only way, for most of us, those things come to light is by intentionally slowing down and cehcking in on ourselves.
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So, that’s it!
3 Tips to get clear on yourself
+ take back your life from burnout!
I also talk about clarity more from a non-burnout perspective in this blog post!